ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
