I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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