I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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