I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
