Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
