New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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