Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
