thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
this boner is exhausting
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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