kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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