she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
