Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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