you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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