we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
