you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
