I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
