We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
