This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
