Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
