She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
