he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
