Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
