Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
