C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
