i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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