dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
