When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
