do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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