You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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