Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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