Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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