you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
