oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
