I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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