the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
