I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
