I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
