I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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