Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Houston, we have a squirter
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
