I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
