Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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