Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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