She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The cops high fived after they tackled you
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
