Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
