Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
