my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
