I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
