Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
