You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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