Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
