dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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