You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Farmville is her only friend.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
