Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
