I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
