I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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