another moral hangover. fuck.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
