im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I could fuck to npr.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
