That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
