I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
