Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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