I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
