My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
